I will always have you
by hey.that.one.kid
Summary: set in new moon- when bella goes to visit the cullens house, but she goes in. one shot-maybe more, not sure yet.


Disclaimer: I own nobody. Not legally ;)

Bella stared up at the huge white house before her.  
Every muscle in her body was tensed and her mind seemed to scream for her to leave. As if in agreement with these thoughts the hole in her chest burned intensely. She wrapped her arms tightly around her chest and forced her body forwards, towards the house. It took all of her strength to open the door even though it was unlocked and the hinges happened to be well oiled.

Light filtered through the glass walls at the other end of the house, causing the room to almost glow as the light reflected off the white furnishings.  
_Home_ she thought._ No. not anymore. _She blinked back the tears before they could spill over.  
She walked slowly through the house, letting her memories enfold her. In a way it almost made her feel better, but then again they were here in her memories. Everything was as it had been and she almost felt intrusive. As if they were only out for a few minutes and could be back anytime and catch her here.  
_But they won't be_. Her thoughts gently mocked her.

Her eyes ran over the dishes used in the Cullens' ruse. Just another prop to make them more "human". She wondered how those first few days she hadn't seen right through them. Once it was known, it was hard to think of them as anything other than themselves. Her hands clutched the banister as she made her way up the stairs and though the house was designed to be big and open, she felt as if the walls were closing in on her.

Bella's fingers traced over the collection of nail polish in Alice's closet. She had almost no doubt that these had been bought for her, "Alice's doll". She almost laughed when she saw that alice's favorite dress and favorite pair of jeans were missing from their usual hangers. Just like alice to not leave behind her precious favorite clothes.  
_They left you didn't they?_ Her mind was playing dirty, refusing to let her dwell on the good memories. Refusing to let her forget, as if she even could anyway.

She left the room quickly, stumbling into the hallway. The door to Carlisle's study was open and she peeked around into the room knowing it would be jus the same as she'd last seen it.  
The memory of Dr. Carlisle trying to lecture Emmett about something medical appeared in her mind as her eyes swept the many shelves. She noticed that some of the books were missing, probably ancient books that were irreplaceable, it made sense not to leave those behind.  
_Guess that means you're pretty easily replaced  
_Bella sank to the ground and let the built up tears free. It wasn't fair that she couldn't let go. He had. In those last moments he had let go, but she knew that she never would. No, not even that. She never could.  
As her tears dried to her face she picked herself up off of the ground and left the room, silently closing the door behind her.

There was one more door that she hadn't gone near. Either she'd done it on purpose or if unconsciously she had saved it for last because it allowed her the possibility of skipping over this one room. Either way, it didn't matter because as she faced the door she knew that she couldn't just skip it.  
The door was slightly ajar and she pushed it gently aside, as if there was the possibility of something dangerous lurking on the other side.  
Nothing had changed, and yet the room was empty without him. Everything was exactly as it had been, not even a CD taken along for the memories...  
_he doesnt love you anymore. _her eyes held on a picture fram filled with the smiling face that she hadn't seen in the mirror for a long time._ Not even enough to take the good memories with him._

Bella stumbled down the steps and shot out the front door as quickly as she could manage without falling. She started her car as tears fell from her eyes and she drove quickly not even caring where she wound up.  
**"it will be as if I never existed..."  
**Stupid vampire, didn't he know that that could never be?

Thoughts? Questions? Comments?  
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